I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
