so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
