can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
