I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
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She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
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Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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