Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
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Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
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He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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