And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
