Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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