I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
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We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
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Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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