Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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