no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
