omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
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He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
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Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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