dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
