I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
