We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
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He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
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You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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