Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
