I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
where does the pee come out of this thing
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
