Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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