so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
