i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
