ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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