McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
