There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I will pee on everything he values.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
