if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
