Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
