You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
