do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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