you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
