Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
