omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
