i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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