6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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