Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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