Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
