Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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