His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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