Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
