btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
