Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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