shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
