god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
