hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
