weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
