I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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