I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
this just has baby written all over it
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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