you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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