I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
