I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
