At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
