Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
