Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I am one with the molecules
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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