you have to choose: penises or morals?
i will never coherently bang her
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
