Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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