it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
