You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
