come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
