I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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