my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
