Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
