...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
