what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
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hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
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Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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