I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
