I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
