I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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