I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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