I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
