Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
