i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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