Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
