his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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