Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
