There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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