Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
