go do what you do best...puke behind churches
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
home. puking in laundry basket.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
