You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
